Business Communications Success Tip

Business Communications: Instead of Being Angry...Be Curious!

Who doesn't know someone that "pushes our buttons" hoping we'll respond in anger?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Any feeling or emotion can be substituted for inferior in this statement. The point is YOU HAVE THE POWER to choose how to respond to another person's behavior and the ups and downs of everyday life. It is amazing how in control you'll feel when you discover that you don't have to feel intimidated just because someone is acting in a belittling or confusing manner.

The same point can be made for feelings of anger. There are other options besides anger. You could choose to be amused, for example, or perplexed or curious. Imagine what it would be like to be amused instead of angry. What would happen if you chuckled? In many instances, the situation would be defused as the other person sees that you are not taking it seriously. If he does not get the desired response from you, he may change his behavior.

If you were perplexed or confused you would want an explanation for what is happening. You could question the other person "I don't understand your point. Could you explain it to me please?" It may take a few repetitions, but in many cases, the behavior would eventually stop, again, because you are not responding in the expected manner.

One of the more useful responses is curiosity because it allows you to learn more about the roots of the behavior or difficulty you are facing. Curious people wonder about the how and why of people and events. They ask questions and make inquiries.

The next time you're faced with a stimulus that would normally elicit an angry response, allow yourself to become curious and begin asking questions. For example, if a co-worker is behaving in a manner that has infuriated you in the past, begin considering the nature of, and reason for this behavior. Is this person intentionally trying to make you angry? What about the behavior really gets to you? Is the tone of voice, the facial expression or the attitude? How could your response be different?

Choosing and changing a response requires an ability to distance yourself from the present situation in order to achieve clarity and disengage your emotional involvement long enough to determine the intention and decide if and how you will respond. Is it an innocent statement you're automatically responding to? If your response is an automatic, unthinking "knee jerk", become curious about yourself and explore your own feelings.