Quality Of Life Trainings, Inc. Success Tip

Business Communications Success Tip

Category: Business Communications
Sub-Category: Gender Traps

Is this situation familiar? Six team members are in the boardroom. There are four men and two women. Everyone works well together. There are no hidden agendas. The team is brainstorming. Everyone is tossing ideas out as fast as they occur. Everyone, that is, except Susan. Susan has something to say but she’s holding back – watching the other team members and waiting to be recognized by the team leader. The team leader is busy recording the ideas being presented and has her back to the group. She does not notice Susan. Eventually, the ideas come more slowly as the session ends. Susan sees her chance to add her comment. She begins tentatively with “I have an idea…” At that point, Jack says, “Develop a new color scheme.” Susan falls silent because the interruption upset her. She glares at Jack and leaves the meeting frustrated and discouraged. Meanwhile, Jack has no idea why Susan glared at him.

DISCUSSION:Susan and Jack are experiencing a gender trap. Gender traps are tendencies based on a person’s gender that get in the way of achieving desired outcomes. Deborah Tannen’s You Just Don’t Understand and That’s Not What I Meant as well as John Gray’s Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus are just a few of the books that discuss these very real issues.

Jack does not understand why Susan glared at him. All he did was jump in with his idea. Wasn’t everyone doing the same thing? In general, men tend to be more direct in their statements. In male groups, this directness and demonstration of knowledge helps to establish dominance. Women, on the other hand, tend to be more aware of group interactions and place more value on the relationships in the group than individual status. Women tend to present their own comments as suggestions to determine how the group will respond.

TIP: Susan could have done two things to avoid this unpleasant (to her) situation:

If she had made her comment directly, instead of prefacing it with “I have an idea”, the comment would have been heard before Jack made his remark. Jack jumped in during Susan’s transitional pause between the preface and the idea.

After the interruption, Susan could have said in response to Jack’s comment “I wasn’t finished speaking,” and resumed her comments.

Jack could have done his part by paying better attention to what the other members of the team were saying before he made his remark. If he had been listening more intently, he probably wouldn’t have interrupted Susan.